Class of Nuke em High

Troma has put out some of the most wretched and vile cinematic 'entertainment' ever seen on film. Starting off with where the Toxic Avenger left off, we have a nuclear leak thats making its way into the local high school.

A group of ex-honor society students have been hideously transformed into drug crazed bikers with a pension for fowl language, rape, and violence. Shy young couples turn into lust crazed sex weasels. And a putrid, flesh-eating slime monster lurks in the basement. Just another day at Tromaville High!

Discipline soon crumbles, morals go out the window and mega-volt rock n roll maddness takes over the student body. As the hideous radioactive creature in the school's basement continues to grow, so does every immoral activity on the face of the earth.


This movie was a sign of the times then, but even more so today. As the threat of nuclear annihilation threatens our civilized societies, the children suffer the most. There's a general lack of hope for the world, which soon turns people into non-worrying individuals without a conscious.

The Class of Nuke Em High is nothing more but an outlandish commentary on nuclear power and the seemingly irresponsible ways it's used. I remember watching this flick as a kid. I was almost asleep when it came on, but years later, got the chance to watch it again. There's no story really. The mutated kids who were once A students run amuck and now sell radioactive weed that gives a hard on so big, it will destroy a house - It's responsible for a woman who becomes pregnant over night to some squid-like creature which eventually gets sucked down the sewer by a frantic flusher. There's your mutated 'good guy' who takes revenge on one of the goons by shoving his fist totally down his throat Just Before Dawn Style. There's Tweaked out female bikers who like to enter the boys bathroom and force them into oral sex and a good spanking. Teachers loosing their hair overnight. There's a white guy dressed and painted like someone from an African tribe that sports a bone through his nose. Kind of reminds me of a TBN Telethon.

It seems as if the main man behind the nuclear facility doesn't give a ''wet fart'' what the situation is and does away with a suggestion to shut down the school. He's afraid of all the bad publicity, but it doesn't matter that innocent children are going to be hiddeously transformed into rock n roll genetic freaks.

What can be said about this flick? Ludicrous, ridiculous, funny, disturbing, sick - Everything reminiscant of Lloyd Kaufman. If you have nothing better to do on a sunny saturday afternoon, grab a copy of Class of Nuke Em High. You'll feel funny for a day or two after, but one thing I've noticed about Troma films is that they definitely make an impression on you. Good or bad, it's an impression. I've yet to see part 2. I'm going to dig that up later. I hear it's better than the first.

Lloyd Kaufman is a man of very little taste. This film as well as all his other films should be a testimony to exactly how far he has dropped on the Class Meter.

Coincidence By The Cemetery

I was watching Joyride the other day. (Paul Walker) I noticed that he and his brother's name are Lewis and Fuller. I never really paid any attention to this, but Louis Fuller was Lucio Fulci's American pseudonym. I thought that was a very cool hat tip to the Godfather of Gore. A lot of people haven't noticed this. The people who I've mentioned this to seem to think it's a coincidence.

To start it off right, this film is one of the most vile and utter pieces of Italian trash to ever climb from the cesspool of Italian cinema. The cannibal genre is a mixed array of cinematic happenings that deal with a variety of different 'types' of cannibals - Cannibal Ferox just so happens to deal with the 'jungle cannibal'.

For instance, there's your back-woods cannibal types that are depicted in such films as Cannibal Campout, Lunch Meat, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There's your 'Brings back strange disease from the war' cannibals as depicted in Cannibal Apocalypse - Another Italian sleazefest made by the Italians and co-starring Cannibal Ferox star Giovanni Lombardo Radice and John Saxxon of all people. There's your Hannibal Lecter types - This type of cannibal is usually based on evidence from real police files. An usually articulate man with supreme taste, and an appetite for the grand. There's also your homosexual cannibals such as Jeffrey Dahmer - who ingests human flesh because they're lonely. I see no correlation between this well formed depravity and loneliness, but I'm sure there's some Freudian pseudo explanation that says there is.

Now, we refer back to the most popular form of 'the cannibal' - Your primitive jungle dwelling cannibal . Throughout the seventies and early 80's, there were two main players in the Jungle' cannibal genre that pretty much opened up a whole new can of worms, but also closed the lid some years later. Umberto Lenzi and Ruggero Deodato - Those two names should be synonymous with extreme violence, cinematic rapes, latex gut munching, but most sadistically, live animals being killed for 'shock value'. Both men claim that they never filmed any killing of live animals - and that the producers shot those scenes after their job as director was finished.Whatever the case may be, the slaughtering (or set-up of the harm or killing) of live animals for the purpose of shocking someone in a film is going too far if you ask me.

Cannibal Holocaust is probably most notorious in regards to scenes of torture and cinematic violence. But a lot of people disagree, saying they were most disturbed by Cannibal Ferox.

Ferox starts off in that typical Italian fashion. We have an Anthropology student who denies the fact that cannibalism ever existed. She's convinced that mad tales of flesh eating are just that - mad babbling folklore created by the civilized man to give the jungle a stark legacy.

Our story revolves around three NY college students who set out to the jungles of Columbia to disprove any talk of cannibalism or the practices thereof. Gloria (played by Lorainne De Salle of House on the Edge of the Park), Rudy, Gloria's brother (played by Brian Redford), and Patricia (Zera Kerowa of New York Ripper fame) get everything set and enters the outskirts of the jungle via off-road vehicle. Right away, things get off on the wrong foot as the jeep gets stuck and they're forced to foot their way through the wilds of Rio.

A few minutes later, the crew run into two small time New York drug dealers who just so happen to be lofting around the jungle floor when they're attacked by natives. Mike Logan (Giovanni Lombardo Radice - House on the Edge of the Park, Cannibal Apocalypse, The Gates of Hell, The Church) and his injured friend Joe, run into the crew and ask them for help.

Of course, the crew obliges. Little by little they learn of Mike's lust for cocaine and that there's more to he and Joe that meets the eye. It's soon learned why Mike and Joe are running from the natives. It seems as if Mike has a knack for violence - especially when fueled up on cocaine. The rape and murder of a native Indio girl by white outsiders doesn't go over to well with the villagers and it's a race through the jungle to find a way out. Not only this, but Mike is also responsible for torturing a Portuguese tribesman to death in search of emeralds. Mike's quiet the nice guy isn't he?

What follows are scenes of gratuitous violence accompanied by a sense of sexual depravity and drug induced paranoia. One by one, the crew are dispatched in some god-awful ways. To be honest, the gore sequences in the film aren't harsher than most gore films of its ilk. Where Cannibal Ferox steps foot into depravity (besides the torture and hinted rape) is the set up of actual on-screen animal killings which range from a gutted crocodile and turtle, to the feeding of a bound anteater to a very large python. If this isn't enough, we have a live pig which is gutted in bloody fashion by the cinematic hands of Mike Logan. As stated by Giovanni Lombardo Radice, a stagehand was given the job to actually slaughter the animal. He also states that during this scene, he tries to avenge the poor pig by pressing hard on a ceramic bowl that was to catch the blood - nearly severing the stagehand's wrist.

Cannibal Ferox is labeled one of the nastiest films of all time - and rightly so. An on-screen castration- Hooks through a woman's breasts - Hand severing - Decapitations - The rape and murder of innocent villagers - This film shouldn't be watched by anyone who is offended by such atrocious on-screen events. By this, I mean people who actually, eat, sleep and breathe.

It seems as the Italian cannibal genre grew older, the demonic imagination of filmmakers involved in the genre escalated to monstrous heights. Earlier films like Umbero Lenzi's Eaten Alive! (which uses the same music for Cannibal Ferox) also depicts scenes of animal cruelty and gang rapes, but the film as a whole isn't nearly as brutal as Cannibal Ferox. Jungle Holocaust, an earlier cannibal entry by Rugerro Deodato, is actually more of an adventure film than just a bunch of shock sequences strewn together. Personally, the adventure theme should have been the main attraction to these types of films. The jungle setting makes way for some good action sequences.

Going back to the topic of discussion, Giovanni Lombardo Radice stated to me in an interview that he regretted ever starring in Cannibal Ferox. He says that it has haunted him for twenty-five years. Being remembered as Mike Logan is a huge disappointment for Giovanni. To tell you the truth, I can't blame the guy for feeling this way. But, didn't he read the script beforehand?

To sum it up, Cannibal Ferox is a film that should be viewed at least once just to see that everything you've heard has been true. Very few films live up to their legend status, but this is one of those exceptions. I have no idea how anyone could possibly enjoy the movie. To tell you the truth, I think that anyone who even considers such a film 'fun entertainment' should be checked for mental incapabilities.

*This film boasts at being banned in 31 countries - not only on the movies cover, but also in the Guinness Book of World Records. I think Umberto Lenzi should be banned and maimed - and gutted like the animals in his films. I have no idea what the international rules were/are for the killing of animals for the sake of entertainment, but I'm sure there was hot water to follow. It's hard to imagine such a film being made today. PETA would have a field day.

When There's No More Thread In Hell.....

"I don't want to be threading around like THAT!"

A Day With Keith Richards

Sometime ago, I got the chance to sit down with Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. Not until talking with him did I realize that Keith actually died in the early 80's, but has duped the public into believing he's still alive and kicking. Keith was gracious enough to allow Lunchmeat's Bits and Pieces the opportunity to snap a few pictures. An extensive interview was unproductive because Keith's tongue kept falling off. Tom Savini was on vacation so there was no one available to apply a new prosthetic tongue. I was able to decipher a few of his words, but most of them sounded like 'Heroine'

Above is a picture of Keith's 'photo head' as he jokingly refers to it as. Mr Richards uses his spare head now and again especially for concerts and photo shoots. It's simply made of rubber, painted to look like Keith when he was forty and shoved down his neck with a stick. The whole process takes less than three minutes.


We didn't take the above pic. It was donated to us by Keith himself for our portfolio.

We had no idea the picture was over thirty years old. Since Mr Richards face isn't able to move due to the deterioration of the nerves, his personal assistant taped his lips upward as to constitute something of a smile. The tape is barely visible. *This was the same photo Keith sent Bob Clark as a casting pic for the role of Orville in 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things'. Since Keith was constantly hooked to a life support machine throughout the seventies, he was unable to play the role without all the machinery getting in the way. Besides, who buries someone who's still attached to a life support machine?*



Above is a picture that was taken before Mr Richards had his daily fix. Since his heart doesn't beat anymore, main-lining heroine just isn't productive. Now, he has to have it injected rectally. As you can see, Keith doesn't look too happy about it.



Above is the last picture that Lunchmeat's Bits and Pieces was able to get before Keith had his puppeteer marionette him down the hallway. This was directly after Keith learned of a tractor trailer full of heroine waiting outside the studio. Since Keith was so elated and unable to show emotion, he personally asked his personal assistant to tape on a smile. Keith looks pretty happy doesn't he?

Muse Watson INTERVIEW

In 1996, Wes Craven re generated the slasher genre with his ultra contemporary SCREAM. Honestly, I love the movie. It's an all around entertaining movie. Surely, with the success of SCREAM, imitations and imitators were bound to rear their bloody stumps. I'm sure that the film I Know What You Did Last Summer needs no introduction. A hook welding maniac stalks a bunch of teens after they run over a guy. Sounds good. Sue me, but I enjoyed this flick too.

2003 was a great year for me in regards to interviews. I was able to get in touch with Muse Watson. His role as Ben Willis (our hooked killer) has become a contemporary cultural icon no matter how much one dislikes the series. Anyway, below is the interview I conducted with Muse about four years ago.

Lunchmeat: I'm going to cut right to the chase. How
 did you hear about the
part of 'Hook Man', Ben Willis?


Muse Watson: I actually got a call from my agent
saying that they were having  trouble finding a Ben.
I was asked to come to the casting office and read  
the role on tape to be sent to the director who was
allready in North
Carolina on location. 
I thought it was a great role. 
Here was a man who  was a loving father who
becomes crazy after his daughter is killed in 
an accident.  Of course, after arriving on set,
the loving father part  got diminished.  But when I
first read it...I thought it was well written and a great character.

Lunchmeat: What kinds of things did you do, behind the
scenes, to get in shape for your role as everyone's
favorite 'Hooked Maniac'?

Muse Watson: Well, I studied each movement like Tai Chi,
because I thought of Ben as  a man who was methodical
and smooth.  I took the Hook home with me and  became
very accomplished and accurate.  I could spin it in the
air four  revolutions and catch it in a back-hand.  A move
that one of the  producers thought should have been included
in the film.  I could also take  every leaf off of a bush one
at a time with out touching the other  leaves.  Ben's movement
was very important to me.
Because he was not  revealed til the end,
it was very important to me for the audience to
feel  his presence and know his ominous nature.

Lunchmeat: What's your thoughts on being considered
 somewhat of a horror movie 'Icon'? Do you accept this
 role with honors, or reluctance?

Muse Watson: It's an honor.  I don't think it is "just"
luck either.  Although a  great audience reaction seems
a bit of luck in this business.  I think the  camera work,
 the other character's reactions, the movement I gave him,
 all have a part in it.  I'm proud to be a horror "Icon".
 ...and  grateful to the horror fans.  Of course like any
 other actor, I could wish that I could earn the  distinction
 of being a comedy icon too by the end of my career. (Laughs)

Lunchmeat: Between the renewed success of the
 modern day Slasher film, which 'classic' Slasher
Icon would you love to portray in a motion picture,
if you had the chance? And why?

Muse Watson: I was not a big fan of the genre before
 becoming 'Ben' so my knowledge  of them is limited.
I don't know which one I would choose, but I would
jump at the chance I'm sure. 


Lunchmeat: I Know What You Did Last Summer catapulted
many careers, including yours. What was it like to work
with such a talented bunch of actors/actresses, all at 
the same time? And if I may be so bold, which was your favorite?

Muse Watson: It is always exciting to work with a cast
full of folks who are on  their way up.  The energy is
amazing.  I really enjoyed getting to know them  and love
them.  As for my favorite, I can tell you I would be
proud to  have any or all of them as family.  Love will
always hold a special  place in my heart.  She was
responsible for my being on Saturday Night  Live. 
One of the biggest thrills of my life.  Sarah and I
really enjoyed  talking and going places, and I think
she is one of the sweetest and  most professional actors
I have ever had the pleasure to work with.   Freddy is a
really nice person and interesting to get to know.  He is
very  intelligent.  Ryan is thoughtful and kind.  He is
such a talented actor  that it's scary.  He has an
incredible range.  Johnney Galecki was fun  to get to know.
I worked with him again on 'Morgan's Ferry'...and would  
jump at the chance to work with him again.
We worked with some incredible talent in both films
and they were both  a pleasure to shoot.

Lunchmeat: I just saw 'Hollywood Vampyr'. It was kind of
odd not seeing you portray a villain. Which had you rather
play, the good guy, OR the villain? and why?

Muse Watson: I'm an actor.  I will play whatever the role
calls for.  I've done some  real villains though, and since
 the birth of my daughter, I guess I  would like to play some
 nice guys now.  Something she can watch. (Laughs)


Lunchmeat: Were you surprised that I Know What You Did Last Summer
 would become the success it has become?

Muse Watson: Well, yeah.  I didn't even go to the premier. 
LOL  My publicist said I  could stay at the hide-out in
Tennessee if I wanted to.  He said the  word on the street
was that something must be wrong with the film, since 
they were not allowing any press pre-screening.  LOL  You never
 know in  this business.   


Lunchmeat: Were you all up for filming a sequel and
reprising your role as, Ben Willis?

Muse Watson: Sure.  I was excited about working with
the cast again.  Although I was  disappointed in the
additional information they gave Ben's character  eventually.
I didn't think it was necessary or fit the original  character.


Lunchmeat: I know that on a lot of movie sets, certain
things can go wrong during production. Were there any 'mishaps'
 that occurred during the making of either 'Last Summer' film?
Muse Watson: Yeah.  When I was hung up-side down by one leg and
swung across the  boat...right after my hand was severed...I
busted all the blood vessels in  my eyes.  Love was grossed
out by the way it looked when I was put down  and called for
the medic.
Another time, the barge we were using for lighting broke
loose and was  headed for us and we had to evacuate the
barge we were using for  staging for fear that the collision
could hurt a bunch of us.  The 'throw him in the ocean' scene
became very scary.  It was scheduled  with the tides so I would
be able to stand on the bottom and have my  head above water after
they threw me in.  We got behind and the scened  was filmed after
the tide had come in over my head.  I had weights on me  to make sure
I went to the bottom, so that became an issue.  LOL  On I Still Know,
I busted the joint in my big toe and had to be  transported
by armed guards across bandit territory in the middle of the
night to a hospital.
I later had surgery.


Lunchmeat: And the 'eternal' question is, will there be
another 'Last Summer' sequel? And if so, are you rearing
and ready to go?

Muse Watson: I doubt it.  The folks who own the franchise
haven't said anything  except that they are not interested
in doing one.  I could be talked into  one, depending on how
 they handle the script and who they asked to be in  it.


Lunchmeat: Muse, I just want to thank you for your
time. It's been a real pleasure. 

Muse Watson: Thanks for asking.

The idiots who made the idiot

I know I'm an asshole sometimes. I hate all people sometimes, but never all the time. I wake up on the wrong side of the wet spot like everybody else, and I'm not even an actor.

I'm honestly at a draw with where to begin. Bruce Campbell - That name should be synonymous with the Evil Dead series. Ok. I got one word for Bruce 'fuckface Campbell' - FANS.

To be honest, I've never been a big fan of the 'Evil Dead' series anyway. Sure, they're cult classics, but I just never acquired a taste for them. I personally apologize to any Evil Dead fans that may be reading.

I've come to realize over the years that Bruce is lacking in any form of sincere 'thank you' when it comes to his fans. Sure, Bruce never set out to be a 'fan winner' in the first place. He didn't aspire to be MY hero or little Billy's down the street. I'm sure if he really wanted to be truly famous, he would have never starred in The Evil Dead series in the first place.

I find it hard to believe that a guy whose lively hood comes from fans of The Evil Dead films refuses to sing autographs FROM HOME anymore. The last time I checked, Campbell's main achievement in life was having a bit part in a Spiderman film. Hmmmm. The name of the director for Spiderman just so happens to be the same as the guy's who directed the Evil Dead movies.

Does Bruce really think he's that good? Does he think that starring in Brisco County Jr. constitutes being able to snub his fans? Is it that Bruce simply doesn't need to appreciate his fans because he's that damn good? Seems to me that Campbell has a really big chip on his shoulder.

http://www.bruce-campbell.com/blogs/editorials/autograph-thing.htm

I've know a lot of ungrateful people in my life. I've even been guilty of being ungrateful at times, but I think that Campbell is the most egotistical prick in the entire United States.

Take for instance his book If Chins Could Kill. Alright, let me ask one question - Who are the fan base for his book? Let's see... Is it going to be someone OTHER than an Evil Dead fan? Case dismissed.

Anyone who would still support this unrelenting prick after he blatantly bashes them in a frilly way on his website needs to be smacked with a wet dildo. OR do a reality check. You can never be in the public eye and maintain a steady stream of work if you disrespect the people who make you.

Wait a minute. Strike everything I said. Bruce Campbell will someday have a star on the Walk of Fame. He now STARS in his very own Old Spice commercial.

Code Blue

Something I've noticed over the past decade or so is that horror films have forgotten about the heartbeat effect. Come to think about it, I'd be hard pressed to name five films that have the 'heart beat' effect. For those of you who are confused, I'm simply referring to the sound of a beating heart during tense scenes. Thump thump. Thump thump.

I was watching the early 80's slasher flick 'The Prey' over the weekend and noticed that even tho the film is so bad it's good, the heartbeat during some of the point of view scenes was very effective.

George Romero's 'Dawn of the Dead' has this effect during the scene in the news station. He also uses it again during the apartment siege - when Peter and Roger are in the basement - shooting helpless zombies one by one. 'Dawn of the Dead' is one of those films that remained with me from childhood. One of the main reasons it was so memorable was because of the score - in particular, the heartbeat. Goblin really outdid themselves.

I've always said that the score to the movie is 40% of the film. I was watching 'Satan's Blade' over the holidays (a RARE slasher film from the 80's) and realized that the score was one of the main reasons I enjoyed it so much. Along with the cold wintery landscape, the score was simply mesmerizing. The film can get all the bad reviews it wants, but the movie delivered in the atmosphere department. Why? The score. Was the acting good? No. It was shit. Forgive me.

Take for instance Carpenter's 'Halloween'. One of the first things people think of when someone mentions 'Halloween' is the scary ass music accompanying the film.

There's the the 80's slasher flick 'House on Sorority Row'. Not only did the director give us great style and classy camera work, the composer gave us some classy piano music which helped set the flick aside from a lot of other slasher films in the same department. A VERY classy slasher movie.

What about Dario Argento's 'Suspiria'? The film would simply be a gorgeous spectrum of style and substance without the haunting score.

Sometimes, the lack of a score is efficient. 'Malevolence', a fairly new straight to dvd release gets a lot of good reviews - and it should. Good acting. Good cinematography. The score throughout most of the movie was a simple humming that was barely audible. The quietness sort of overshadowed the hum, adding just the right amount of cinematic atmosphere to the flick.

I've noticed that I've strayed away from what I was originally going to post about - The heartbeat. Someone hand Hollywood composers a defibrillator and get that heart a pumping.

Skinned Alive 1989

Tempe Entertainment released Skinned Alive on dvd about four years ago. It was actually produced by J.R. Bookwalter (owner of Tempe) back in the mid eighties and was available for rent or purchase in 1989. I have no idea how I missed out on this film as a kid. Think 'Three Stooges mixed with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre ' and you can draw your own conclusion.

John Killough (director) was only around twenty when he shot this flick. The budget was around twenty bucks, so don't expect some glossy Hollywood flop here. If Cheese and high brow comedy mixed with gore and hinted incest burns your esophagus, don't try watching this flick. You'll overdose on Pepto Bismol.


Crawldaddy's is a traveling hide tanning service (Ha!) consisting of 'Crawldaddy' and her son and daughter. (Crawldaddy is one eyed female paraplegic who uses the foulest language you've ever heard - and insists that her son Fink (Scott Spiegel) and daughter Violet (Susan Rothacker) call her 'Daddy') They're on their daily rounds when they kill a hitchhiker and a fat fuzzy-headed salesman. Their van soon breaks down where they meet a mechanic and his eccentric Wife - Tom and Minnie Miles - (Played by: Lester Clark, Barbara Norrod)

Being the slow minded individuals they are, they ask the crew to spend the night until the van is repaired. The scuzzy crew accept the offer and lodge themselves in the middle aged couple's basement.

An alcoholic ex-cop named Paul (Floyd Ewing Jr) - who lives next door to Tom and Minnie - who's now homebound and drunk due to a divorce, reminisces of the good old days - before his marriage fell apart and before he shot that Mexican woman in a junkyard, which eventually ruined his career as a policeman. He's now downing a half a fifth of vodka in one shot and pretty much dazes himself out as early as 8:30 in the morning.

We're treated to some gonzo divorce talk between our drunk ex-cop and his wife. Apparently, his wife plans on taking everything he owns - the house - the car - the dog - Not only this, she's sleeping with her lawyer. If you like dialog that will make you giggle even tho you know it's awful, get prepared to be entertained even tho you know you shouldn't be.

John Killough also wrote the film and tried to give us some of the raunchiest dialog you'll ever hear. Some scene are completely hilarious while some shots are just plain sick. Violet and Fink are supposed to be brother and sister, but act more like a disgruntled couple.

There's one scene that involves Fink and his sister in a hot and steamy 'love scene' There's a bugged out Scott Spiegel fumbling like a fool with the semi-pretty Susan Rothaker's leather bra. (This is the funniest thing I've ever seen) There's this silly music playing in the background that adds a bit of a lighthearted feel to the movie even tho the subject matter is just plain sick.

There's a scene that has a delivery boy (who just so happens to be delivering a set of kitchen knives to the mechanics wife) who gets his fingers chopped off by Crawldaddy. He jumps in his car and travels a piece down the road only to have Violet blow his brains out from the back seat. Good stuff.

Everything in the film inspires madness and chaos. Derived from the mind of a young John Killough, this is a movie that should be watched by a bunch of drunk friends. The dialog alone gives it a personal friend feel - as the language used seems like something I would say in a drunk conversation with the group. Some really zany stuff. "Cheese dick" - "Selfish ridden bitch." "Stay here you little dingle berry, That fuckwad's mine!" "Lick my plate you dog dick!" - Wait....wrong movie.

Anyway, 'Skinned Alive' could very well be classified as a slasher, although I'd prefer to call it something like 'gonzo horror'. This is simply because I've never really watched a flick quiet like it. Shoddy camera work. Bad picture quality -There's a text statement by Bookwalter that says they did everything possible to restore the film to an outstanding quality, but we would have to simply live with what we get. It's bad, but the lighting was good. The quality of the picture really has nothing to do with lighting.

Our drunkard policeman realizes that this group of strange individuals are offing people left and right. He soon learns that they have attempted to kill Tom the Mechanic. His wife Minnie has her arm chopped off in grizzly fashion - leaving her to bleed to death. Paul takes matters into his on hands and goes Rambo on our bunch of goons. [He should have just called in Ranger Mark Obrien and he could have sedated these bunch of idiots.]

Paul shoots and kills Crawldaddy - her bullet ridden body pulverized and torn by bloody bullets. You'll forget all about the fact that its actually a garbage bag filled with stage blood - sporting Crawldaddy's (Mary Jackson's) clothes on it.

There's a final showdown against 'Evil Dead 2's' Scott Spiegel and Flowd Ewing Jr. After Fink gets his nose bitten off, he still manages to worry about his vain appearance. He has the nerve to call Paul a 'cannibal motherfucker.' Oh man. This movie really can't be put into words.

Crawldaddy also eats up her share of celluloid. Mary Jackson goes all out with her role. I cannot begin to explain the comic touch Jackson added to the film. Again, I've never seen anything like it. Buy the time it was over, my stomach was sore from laughing so much. My brow was constantly raised, but with a constant smile throughout its entire running time.

I'll recommend this to any horror fan. A zany ride that will have you watching this flick more times than you'll ever admit to.

Scott Spiegel (Fink) is the star of the show. He eats up the scenery and gives us a brand of comedy laden with Larry, Moe, and Curly that you won't forget anytime after. This should be the poster flick for films that are so bad they're good. I cannot recommend this flick enough. Buy it NOW ''cheese dick!''

This flick is now available on a Brentwood pack of the same name.

There were a lot of struggle between director Killoguh and Bookwalter. (producer)
Fink was actually played by another guy other than Scott Spiegel, but he dropped out leaving Spiegel to fill his shoes. A scene in the movie that involves Fink is actually the other guys head.

Floyd Ewing Jr had second thoughts about appearing in 'Skinned alive- Stating that the dialog was a little too harsh for him.

Final Exam 1981

Final Exam is a film that's near and dear to me. I guess this is because I actually wrote, directed, and starred in the film. Not really. Final Exam is one of those movies that will grab you by the bore strings and play ''Achy Breaky Heart'' by Billy Ray Cyrus. I said rile them up a 'little'

What's so different about 'Final Exam'? Isn't it one of those cookie cutter 80's slasher films that tried to cash in on Carpenter's 'Halloween'? Sure it is. But, what slasher film from '78 on ISN'T an homage -or- as some people like to say, 'RIPOFF'? Really, I can't think of one.

What sets this film off from all the other 80's slasher movies is that it features barn yard sex and Brazilian homosexual clowns. Seriously, director Jimmy Houston actually took time to give us a well crafted film. A lot of films of its ilk were very incompetently done, leaving plot holes, continuity errors, and boom mikes for the viewer to sift through.
It seems as if Houston thought out his venture before applying it to celluloid.


March is a small quaint little college nestled in the hills of a mountainous region. Two college kids are parked somewhere on campus in the middle of the night. JockBoy tries to convince his female counterpart that he cares enough about her to constitute a little sex. We get the 'Do you really love me?' quote from the female as the guy responds in that horny-jock kind of way, "I'm out with you aren't I?" Of course he loves her. After all, HE's OUT with HER, right?

Suddenly, just as Jock-Boy coaxes his girlfriend to do the nasty, someone or something is bumping and pushing the car. Jock-Boy thinks it's one of his 'frustrated Jock' buddies - Jealous of their star quarterback and the fact that he's about to score. He soon finds out different when an unknown face appears pressed against the windshield. It's written in stone when this same specter jumps on top of the car and slices through the convertible vinyl with a large butchers knife.

You may have guessed that jock-boy gets dragged out of the car from his newly cut sunroof, leaving a creeping close-up of our screaming girls ugly face.

CUT TO: Lanier College. It's a beautiful sunny day. Final exams are on the rise and most of the kids have already gone home. Courtney, Radish, and Mark are walking down the campus walk discussing exams. Radish (our closet homo) scoots his skinny frame along the sidewalk and mentions that the star quarterback from March College was murdered the night before along with his female friend. Mark denies any form of sympathy and gets a ray of hope in that Lanier College might be able to take March College during the coming football season.

Wes Craven's Scream opens up almost the same way except we have a bunch of high school kids instead of college hedonistic freaks and drunks. It's obvious that Craven had seen this movie before making Scream. If this wasn't enough, Randy refers to Final Exam in Scream 2.

What we get with the rest of Final Exam is quiet different than a lot of other slasher flicks. The following may also be the reason many people dislike the film. Jimmy Houston (director) also wrote the film. Giving us a ton of character development was definitely a step in the right direction in my book. I may have not had many emotional ties with a lot of the characters, but the heroine of the movie Cecile Bagdadi (Courtney) was the epitome of a 'final girl'.



Throughout the entire film, a sinister presence stalks the campus in his black van - scouting out the area around the campus. We get to see small glimpses of him even tho there seems to be no motive for his apparent murderous intentions. We have no evidence that he was either burned badly by a bunch of kids or if his mother was beheaded by a female camp counselor when he was young. Houston was obviously going with the Halloween angle by allowing our killer to stalk the halls and campus of Lanier College with seemingly no ulterior motives.

What makes Final Exam so fun in my personal opinion is the college shenanigans we're subjected to throughout the films running time. The entire first half is filled with college pranks and fraternity initiations by our two main frat jocks 'Wildman' and Mark. Mark is the seemingly no brained quarterback who has his own personal yes-men to do his bidding. 'Wildman' is your typical bully-jock who likes to harass our campus closet homosexual and high brained nerd, Radish. Radish is a wiry little fellow with a semi-afro who has a certain fascination with serial killers. He even has a Tool Box Murders poster hanging in his dorm room.

There's also Gary. Gary is a frat boy in the making. Wildman and Mark give him total hell - forcing him to steal tests and go along with their elaborate prank around the first quarter of the films running time. Gary later pins his girlfriend with the fraternity pin and soon gets 'kidnapped' by his fellow frat brothers, stripped down to his underwear, tied to a tree, and is repeatedly doused with ice and sprayed with fire extinguishers.

There's also an on-campus affair between a curly headed Chemistry teacher who has a ''red headed wife'' and a blond college whore.

Is there any killing in this movie? Sure there is. I'm about to get to that. It seems as if all Gary's frat brother's accomplished was unknowingly using Gary as fishing bait for our killer. As the night sets in, it becomes quiet cold. Gary is still outside, tied to his tree. Our campus security guard is on the prowl and reassuringly offers Gary a drink of his fine bourbon. Gary sees Mitch the security guard as a Godsend. Little does he know that Mitch is the kind of guy who 'never messes with tradition'.

As Mitch jokingly pours liquor down Garys underwear, he then leaves, leaving Gary to shiver and shake in the cold North Carolinian air. Uh oh. There's a rustle in the leaves. Gary thinks it's his girlfriend behind him cutting the ropes. He's oblivious to the fact that he's about to get stabbed to death. From out of nowhere, our deranged killer stealthily jumps from his tree and pummels Gary to the ground and does his thing in bloodless fashion.

"You mean there's no blood in this flick?" Well, not much. This is the kind of movie that really doesn't need it. It bases it's story around character, tension and suspense. "Well, without blood, it BETTER deliver." Don't be afraid my child. It DOES deliver. It depends on how you look at it, I guess.

The last thirty five minutes are filled with our killer creeping through the atmospheric halls and campus of Lanier College. There's a feeling of gloom and doom as our army jacket wearing killer slices, dices and manhandles the remaining members of our cast.

Courtney, our virginal heroine, roams carelessly about, unknowing that all her friends are dead. When things get rolling, Courtney does her best to run for help as she comes back to her room to see a dead Radish hanging through an open hole in her dorm room door. When she finally comes face to face with our killer, we finally realize that he's a seemingly ordinary looking man. "Doesn't he even wear a mask?" Sorry to disappoint you. He's basically an average Joe who evidently likes to kill people for the hell of it.

A very good score also looms in the audio ground, elevating scenes and adding a bit of tension that escalates the mood of the movie. I don't mind if it does sound familiar to the 'Halloween' score, it adds a lot to the film.

Our battle between our final girl and the killer wages on throughout the campus, lunchrooms and buildings. He's seemingly everywhere and Courtney does her damnedest to stay alive. It's an 'epic' battle to the finish as our killer slips and and eventually falls three stories to his death.

Final Exam is a movie that many horror (even Slasher fans) haven't seen. Most horror fans have heard of it, but have either dismissed it because it's not one of the popular films of it's time, or because of the reviews they've read. I've seen a lot of slasher films in my time and 'Final Exam' sticks ever so closely to the rules of the slasher genre and doesn't stray off track. Even tho it walks firmly in the footsteps of it's more famous predecessors, it's not as cliche as one might think. If you are a fan of the slasher genre, do yourself a favor and at least give it a shot.

Final Exam isn't for everyone. It is a little talky and there is a lot of attempt at the development of characters. Nevertheless, if you're the slasher completest, you merely have to see it.