Monday, January 22, 2007

Miami Horror - -aka- Miami Golem









Alberto de Martino may be a recognizable name to fans of Italian B-movies. Fans of the poloziotteschi genre may recognize his entry into the sub genre under the title: 'Shadows in an Empty Room.''

David Warbeck, which may also be a recognizable name in the world of cult cinema, plays a burned out reporter (Craig Milford) who is on the story of a Miami based scientist who has ultimately revived the cells of an unknown creature. But little do they know, their experiment has sparked life, and unlocked the powers of an unknown alien entity. (Golem)

The reporter works to unravel (don't all Italian films has a reporter who stick his nose into shit it doesn't belong?) the complex web of cheesy activity surrounding the scientist's discovery.

Ghost images, strange sounds, and 'powerful' invisible forces that violently attack people is only a spoonful of the Euro-medicine delivered with 'Miami Horror'. It's brain food for a dog. It's cheese for a rat. It has everything b movie lovers will want to marry.The alien continues to grow, utilizing its psychic abilities to control and kill. It's not the only thing doing the killing. A group of power hungry men want control over this force and will murder and cause mayhem to obtain it. Reckon they're from the United States?

Our faithful reporter gets caught right in the middle of things as he runs into a woman who eventually has a lot to do with the story. Oh my. I don't know how to put it mildly, but this movie can boast at having the ugliest leading lady in the history of film. (Including 70's porno flicks) She's a cross between Rod Stewart and a horse. Oh wait, add a little bit of R. Lee Ermy (The eyebrows) in there and you'll have it.

Not only are we treated to this womans ugly face throughout the entire film, we get to see her in her hairy beaver bliss in a nude shower scene. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water! Anyway, this movie is cheese, cheese, cheese. There's just no stopping this cheesy-monster truck as it pummels old cars and buses under its huge frame. How could I have forgotten the obvious ripping off of the 'Beverly Hills Cop' theme? The only thing the composers did that was different was add a little bit of ripped-off 'Miami Vice' music. I guess if two ripped scores are added together, it sort of equals itself out and becomes the original idea of the composers. Hey, I wonder if I could do this with 'Guns 'n' Roses' and 'Metallica'?

I kind of felt sorry for Warbeck after watching this flick. I like Warbeck. He's a very capable actor who always added a certain touch to his roles. I guess my favorite Warbeck performance would have to be in Fulci's 'The Beyond'. Certainly, Warbeck was too talented to be appearing in junk like this.

See if you can spot the worst editing mistake in the history of film.

3 comments:

Amanda By Night said...

Ah Lunch, Warbeck is God.

He made sooooooo many bad movies, but because he was in them, they were bearable and sometimes rather good.

I love Miami Golem, it's definitely a so bad it's good type of film and I usually chuckle the whole way through.

But why, oh why did they dub over Warbeck's beautiful voice?!?

Lunchmeat said...

I wish they could have dubbed over the leading lady's face. BTW, thanks for dropping by, Amanda!

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