A Day With Keith Richards

Sometime ago, I got the chance to sit down with Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. Not until talking with him did I realize that Keith actually died in the early 80's, but has duped the public into believing he's still alive and kicking. Keith was gracious enough to allow Lunchmeat's Bits and Pieces the opportunity to snap a few pictures. An extensive interview was unproductive because Keith's tongue kept falling off. Tom Savini was on vacation so there was no one available to apply a new prosthetic tongue. I was able to decipher a few of his words, but most of them sounded like 'Heroine'

Above is a picture of Keith's 'photo head' as he jokingly refers to it as. Mr Richards uses his spare head now and again especially for concerts and photo shoots. It's simply made of rubber, painted to look like Keith when he was forty and shoved down his neck with a stick. The whole process takes less than three minutes.


We didn't take the above pic. It was donated to us by Keith himself for our portfolio.

We had no idea the picture was over thirty years old. Since Mr Richards face isn't able to move due to the deterioration of the nerves, his personal assistant taped his lips upward as to constitute something of a smile. The tape is barely visible. *This was the same photo Keith sent Bob Clark as a casting pic for the role of Orville in 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things'. Since Keith was constantly hooked to a life support machine throughout the seventies, he was unable to play the role without all the machinery getting in the way. Besides, who buries someone who's still attached to a life support machine?*



Above is a picture that was taken before Mr Richards had his daily fix. Since his heart doesn't beat anymore, main-lining heroine just isn't productive. Now, he has to have it injected rectally. As you can see, Keith doesn't look too happy about it.



Above is the last picture that Lunchmeat's Bits and Pieces was able to get before Keith had his puppeteer marionette him down the hallway. This was directly after Keith learned of a tractor trailer full of heroine waiting outside the studio. Since Keith was so elated and unable to show emotion, he personally asked his personal assistant to tape on a smile. Keith looks pretty happy doesn't he?